What do I want? What matters to me most?

This is how you find out what you really want!

Knowing what you want. Somehow, it sounds so simple.

Because who knows better what you need than… you? At the same time, it’s a question that occupies your mind longer than you think. And it comes back more often than you think. And that’s okay, because one of the nicest things in life is doing what you want. But, how do you find out what you want? How do you find the answer to the question: what do I really want?


An abundance of choices and opportunities means the world is at our feet. We can make our dreams come true. But at the same time, it creates unrest. Because when everything is possible, what do you really want?

What do I really want?

It’s a question that many people wrestle with, especially those in their twenties and thirties facing significant decisions on their career path (also known as the Quarter Life Crisis).

Fortunately, you don’t have to decipher this question alone. If you’re unsure, want to understand yourself better, or get closer to your feelings, life coaching can help you.

Alternatively, you can reflect on what suits you best. The following questions can guide your inner journey.

What do I find important?

What you find important determines the direction you want to take in life. But how do you know exactly what you value? External opinions and expectations can cloud your own desires.

Do you want to pursue a career in a large organization or the adventure of a startup? Do you want to start your own business or travel extensively first? And do you truly desire all these things, or do you feel pressured by societal norms?

There’s no right or wrong as long as you align with your true self. That’s why it’s crucial to explore what’s important to you and identify your values. Your values guide these questions and bring you closer to answering ‘what do I really want?’

Discovering your values can be approached in various ways. Start by reflecting on your upbringing with an open mind. What values were instilled in you, and how do they serve you now? Have you adopted values that might not align with your true self, influencing your decisions unconsciously?

Define your values

Reflect on which values truly resonate with you. Search online for a list and note down the values that feel significant and those that don’t. Ask yourself why this is the case. Put the list aside and revisit it after a few days. How do these values resonate with you now?

Remember, this exploration is an ongoing process—a lifelong journey of self-discovery. Don’t expect to have all the answers in a week. Life events and new choices may unexpectedly shape your path. This is why it’s beneficial to navigate this journey with a coach.

What did you enjoy doing in the past?

What you enjoyed in the past reveals what you genuinely like deep down. While preferences may change over time, childhood activities free from external pressures offer valuable insights.

Reflect on moments from your past, such as elementary or high school. Recall when you felt happiest and what activities you loved.

Often, you’ll find that activities you enjoyed then still bring you joy and hold significance in your life today. For instance, I was always known for my curiosity about people and how things work. To this day, connecting with people and devising solutions are my passions.

What energizes you?

Keeping track of what energizes you, both at work and in your personal life, can provide valuable insights. Maintain a journal and note down activities that give you energy (and those that drain you).

After a week, review your journal. Do you notice any recurring patterns in the activities? How can you incorporate more of these energizing activities into your life—or reduce those that drain your energy?

What would you do if money were no object?

For many people, money is a barrier to pursuing their true desires because it provides security. This is why many remain in situations where they feel dissatisfied.

Ask yourself what you would do if money were not a concern. This question reveals your deeper desires. If you suddenly had 50 million in your bank account tomorrow, would you work less? Start your own business? Travel the world? What is stopping you from pursuing these things now?

I don’t know what I want

The best decisions in life start with understanding yourself—discovering what drives you and brings you happiness. It’s a lifelong journey because you evolve through your choices and life events.

Don’t be surprised if your answer to “what do I really want?” changes over time. It’s crucial to stay connected to your feelings and values, so you’re clear on what you want at the next crossroads in your life.

Feel like you could use some guidance in finding your direction and plotting your path? As a life coach, I can assist you. Schedule a free clarity call.

Prefer exploring your career goals? With career coaching, you’ll uncover what drives you and where you want to go in your career.