I consider myself lucky to have a grandmother who is 96 years old and was born in 1925. Despite her age, my grandmother is well informed.
She made a conscious choice not to participate in the internet, app and smartphone revolution. And she will happily participate in just about any other conversation.
The other day my grandmother asked me about my work.
I was happy to tell her about my work as a coach. She asked me what kind of people I work with. I took my time to tell her about it.
“Many of the people I work with are in their late twenties or early thirties. Or perhaps a little older. People in their early forties like myself. Most have completed higher education and have progressed through the first stages of their careers. Often they have well-paid jobs, a house or an apartment, and many have families.”
Grandma looked at me and nodded. “I see. And why do they come to you, since they have a good education, a job and a house?”
“Well,” I said. “It depends, but some of these people notice that deep inside they would like to spend their lives differently. Although they may appear to have their lives sorted out, they are not doing what makes them happy.”
My grandmother took some time before she replied.
“I think it’s wonderful that people can work on these things. And I’m happy you’re able to work with them.”
“But allow me to tell you what things were like when I was that age.” She spoke with an open heart, without a trace of bitterness in her voice.
“Back then, we didn’t have coaches. If you had married a good husband and started a family — and if there was sufficient income to live a respectable life — then there wasn’t much left to wish for. At least I can’t remember having anything else to wish for.”
That touched me.
I came close to feeling guilty for being part of a generation that, on average, is doing quite well. A generation that strives for more and is continuously looking to develop further.
At the same time I felt nostalgic about a time well before my own. When perhaps life was less complicated and people might have been more content.
Maslow’s hierarchy of needs
One of the first models explained to me as a Master’s student in Organisational Psychology was Maslow’s hierarchy of needs. Originally published in 1943, Maslow continued to develop his model in later publications.
According to Maslow, people are motivated by needs that can be arranged in a hierarchy. Lower, more basic needs need to be met to some extent before we turn our attention to the next, higher level.
Maslow made a clear distinction between ‘deficiency needs’ and ‘growth needs’.
Deficiency needs
Deficiency needs include:
- Physiological needs — Food and drink, warmth and shelter, as well as sexual needs.
- Security — People need a certain degree of order and control in their lives. Think of emotional and financial security, or simply being able to go out safely.
- Love and belonging — Love between partners, within a family, and the feeling of belonging to one or more groups.
- Esteem and respect — This includes self-respect and the respect we receive from others.
With deficiency needs, we are motivated to meet them when something is lacking. The longer that lack continues, the stronger the motivation tends to become.
Once a need has been met, our attention shifts to the next level in the hierarchy.
Alongside deficiency needs, there are growth needs.
Growth needs
With growth needs, we want to keep experiencing that these needs are sufficiently fulfilled. Engaging with them can even strengthen our motivation further.
Growth needs include:
- Cognitive needs — Knowledge and understanding, curiosity and the need for meaning.
- Aesthetic needs — Appreciation of beauty and beautiful things around us.
- Self-actualisation — Realising our personal potential, fulfilment, personal growth and peak experiences.
- Transcendent needs — Being motivated by values beyond ourselves. Think of spiritual experiences, nature, serving others, or a higher purpose such as religion or science.
My grandmother had made a clear distinction between these two types of needs. For her, meeting her deficiency needs had been enough to lead a beautiful and fulfilling life.
Now that she has not worked for a long time and her children have children and grandchildren of their own, she has more room to meet her growth needs.
She does this by going out as often as she can: visiting museums, the House of Representatives or simply a small village somewhere in the Netherlands. And every now and then, she goes on a short retreat.
Applying Maslow’s hierarchy of needs
Maslow’s model can help us understand ourselves and the people around us. It explains why, in times of crisis, our focus can shift radically.
When we experience too little safety and control, the higher levels of the hierarchy temporarily fade into the background. Recent events have made this very visible.
Not to make it less important, but to look at the situation from a different perspective.
Want to read more about Maslow’s hierarchy of needs? Simply Psychology.
Continue reading: explore coaching, or read What you pay attention to grows and How reliable is your self-image?.
