You have listened, explained and consulted again. Yet an agreement is still not being kept. What does your role ask of you when another conversation about the same subject no longer changes anything?
The subject is on the agenda again. The agreement was clear, you thought. Everyone would adopt one way of working, but one manager keeps using the old approach. There are objections, exceptions and reasons why it cannot happen this time.
You discuss it again. You ask what is needed. You explain why the agreement matters. By the end of the meeting, there seems to be agreement. Two weeks later, the same problem is back.
Something may be missing in the agreement or its implementation. It may also be that you have made a decision but are not yet truly upholding it. That brings the situation into one of the four fundamental tasks of leadership: exercising power.
Power is already present in your role
The word power easily provokes resistance. You picture someone forcing their preferences on others, belittling people or no longer listening. If that is not how you want to lead, you may be inclined to use your own power as little as possible.
But the influence of your position does not disappear because you prefer not to name it. You help determine where attention goes. You allocate work and resources. You assess contributions and decide which proposals move forward.
Not making a decision has consequences too. Someone keeps waiting. A colleague takes on extra work. An employee who does keep the agreement sees someone else repeatedly avoiding it.
You can therefore examine how to use your authority carefully. When do you need to provide direction, make a decision or maintain a boundary?
What are you using your position for?
Exercising power carefully starts with your assignment. You lead in service of the organisation and within the mandate you have been given. That gives you a basis for making decisions and holding others to agreements.
That basis also needs limits. Not everything that irritates you is an organisational problem. Not every different opinion is obstruction. And appealing to the organisation's interests does not automatically make your preferred solution the right one.
First make explicit which interest you are trying to serve. What outcome, agreement or boundary is at stake? Why does this decision belong to you? And what consequences will your choice have for the people involved?
If you can barely explain that, it is wise to examine your reasoning first. The clarity of your job title should not substitute for the clarity of your arguments.
Discussing objections serves a different purpose from making a decision
Before deciding, you need information. People may see risks you have missed. A process can seem logical on paper and prove unworkable in practice. Making room for disagreement helps you make better decisions.
Be clear, however, about which stage you are in. Are you asking for advice? Can people share in making the decision? Or are you explaining a decision already made and discussing how it will be implemented?
Without that distinction, you may think consultation is complete while an employee thinks the discussion is still open. Or they experience an invitation to contribute as token consultation because you have already determined the outcome.
A clear formulation could be: “I want to hear your objections before I decide on Friday.” Later: “This is the decision, and these are the reasons. Now I want to discuss what is needed to implement it.”
New information can, of course, be a reason to revisit a decision. Agree what information would be relevant. That leaves room to learn without every repeated preference reopening the entire decision.
From explaining again to holding someone accountable
When an agreement is not kept, first explore what happened. Could the person carry out the task? Were expectations and priorities clear? Was there an obstacle that did not come to light in time?
If the agreement was workable and clear, you may need to address the person directly. Name the specific behaviour, its consequences and what you now expect.
For example: “We agreed that this overview would be available on Thursday. It was missing for the past two weeks. As a result, your colleagues could not finish their planning. I expect it to be there this Thursday. If anything prevents that, discuss it with me by Tuesday at the latest.”
Follow-up is part of this. Return to the agreement and discuss what you see. If the same thing keeps happening, decide which next step fits your responsibility. You do not need to raise your voice. It does need to become visible that an agreement has meaning.
What happens in you when someone resists?
Resistance is precisely when careful leadership can come under pressure. You feel that someone is not taking you seriously. You become irritated, speak louder or mainly want to make clear who is in charge.
At other times, you move in the opposite direction. You keep asking questions, hand responsibility back to the group or postpone the decision. For a while, that avoids the tension your position creates.
In both cases, it helps to slow down and return to your assignment. What does this situation ask of you? What comes from the task, and what comes from your need to be right, appreciated or left in peace?
This is also what I mean by acting from an adult position: taking responsibility, staying in contact and being able to examine your own reaction. Your employee does not have to resolve your irritation before you can act carefully again.
Remain accountable yourself
Exercising power requires that others can hold you accountable for how you use it. You explain your reasoning sufficiently, acknowledge the consequences of your decisions and put right what you have done wrong.
You can say: “The agreement still stands. The way I addressed it with you yesterday was not appropriate. I want to come back to that.” Both your responsibility for the decision and your responsibility for the conversation remain visible.
Also arrange for people who can question you critically. Your own manager, a colleague, a supervisor or a coach can help you see where you are taking too much on yourself or leaving something unattended.
Which decision are you not yet upholding?
Look at a subject that keeps returning. Has a decision actually been made? Do people know who is responsible for what? Is implementation feasible? Or is the missing moment the one in which you make clear that this agreement now applies?
Start with that distinction. Sometimes you need to listen more carefully or adjust an unworkable agreement. Sometimes you need a conversation in which you calmly and clearly state what you expect and how you will follow up.
In leadership coaching, we explore how you deal with influence, resistance and responsibility, so that you can use the authority that comes with your role when the work calls for it.
